A Heavy Heart

I can't sleep, or rather, I could sleep if I were to lay down but my heart and mind are troubled. This is not about me, though I suppose in some way it is really.  I am genuinely interested in people, and as a result, I tend to get emotionally involved in things I can do nothing about.  It's heartbreaking sometimes and there seems to be a rash of it going around at the moment.  So as I see the pain and suffering of others I take inventory in my own life.  

 

At what point does a person wake up one day and say, "It's over I am done.  "  At what point does someone else see you and say, "Who are you?  Where have you gone?"  I don't think that happens, although it seems so in some cases, I believe change is an incredibly long process and while there can be moments of awakening and clarity that seem to happen suddenly, the build up is years in the making.  Change is inevitable.  Do we choose our path and to which change we will be taken, or do we give navigation over to something, someone?  There is always choice but do we acknowledge the accountability?

 

I am not so sure if the "slippery slope" is so slippery.  I think it's actually a very steep uphill climb with great traction and spa like retreats along the way when we get weary.  I think we have to work awfully hard to suppress our spiritual nature.  I have always thought such devastating behavior and practices that could bring a person to abandon all or part of their family would be completely obvious; and yet all around me families crumble, marriages dissolve, in ridiculous and crazy ways.  The most innocent of venues, the smallest of infractions, and boom; devastation.   Innocent and small can get so big, so fast.

 

And in this cryptic and confusing tell all without telling anything, I am grateful.  Grateful for a husband that is humble, truthful, wise beyond measure, honorable, and stalwart.  Grateful for my choice to listen to and heed the voice of warning that has come so many times.  Grateful for the knowing that my mind can not control my spirit.  Grateful for children that are so incredibly sweet and pure I could not possibly pursue a path that would separate me from them.  Grateful for good friends that listen and don't judge.  Grateful for a father that always believed in me.  Grateful for a mother that allowed the time for me to see what a great and wise person she is.  Grateful for the realizations that come and help alert me to the climb.  Grateful for a Savior that walks with me and talks with me and shows me a better way, the best way.  

 

We are all mere steps away from the climb.  How do we stay on sure ground?  That is for each to determine.  For me, back to basics and simplify are my mottos of late.  Listen and be, listen and do, listen and learn.  

 

"O be wise; what can I say more?"