I shut my sweet baby's fingers in the door today. I feel like throwing up every time I think about it. It was horrible. She was tearing books, throwing books, ruining sibling's schoolwork, screaming, and just plain doing anything she could to disrupt. I told her she'd have to leave the room, to which she replied, "Okay Mommy, clean-up, clean-up?" Of course I say, "Yes, thank you Addie, good job"; it lasted about 10 seconds before she was at it again. So I took her hand and escorted her out of the school room. She is screaming in protest and stops just short of out of the room and digs in refusing to move. I shut the door, noticing the resistance of her little behind, and go about my business. She's screaming and upset but not any more than before the door was shut. A couple of minutes later, yes really, the door pops open by itself and I ask Ellie to shut it because Addie is still throwing her fit.
The resistance; her beautiful little fingers in the hinge side of the door. The screaming; desperately needing her mommy to help her get her fingers free. The more screaming; being completely abandoned after her fingers were shut in a door for 2 minutes. How completely awful.
I can't look at her without tears welling up in my eyes and if I think about it too long I think I need to be locked up or something. I was sure when I called the doctor that Child Services would be there to take her away from me. Turns out Dr. Rob did the same thing to his son when he was about Addie's age. It makes me feel a little better but the image of her little face sobbing and calling, "mommy" as the door shuts in her face is just replaying over and over again. "Fingers door stuck owie" Crying, sobbing, screaming, almost 2 and a half hours. Her fingers are swollen so big she can't move them. A thorough examination and x-rays say no breaks. Sure maybe not bones, but can her heart really be okay after her mommy shuts her fingers in a door and leaves her there?
Zack, Jake, and Ellie did everything they could, from puppet shows to silly stunts, to try and help. Nothing worked. Finally she calmed enough for some motrin and when that kicked in the puppet shows and silly stunts had her laughing. What a sweet sound. Just as we settled in with apples, pretzels, and cheese cubes on mommy and daddy's bed for a princess movie we get a call for a showing in 30 minutes. She screamed if I was an inch from her. What torture to have to leave her again while we got the house ready. She eventually stopped and "helped" me with the dishwasher, her favorite job. We made it just in time and got to see our first pelican ever on the "get out of the house" drive.
The swelling is going down and she curls her fingers around her blankey now. She used them to hold her spoon to eat, and paint with, sweet potato soup. Before bed she sang and laughed with me. She said, "I wu you mommy." She did all of the cute little things she does to show that all is well and life is good. She holds no grudge so I guess I shouldn't. How can I not?! I shut my babies fingers in the door and left her there.
6 years ago
4 comments:
Don't worry Amy, things like this happen to even the best moms out there:) In a couple of weeks she won't even remember that it happened.
It's ok Amy! No one would ever think you did it on purpose. You are most completely a wonderful mom! It would take a whole lot more than that to make little Addie not love you. :)
Fingers in the door is nothing. The first time I cut Claire's nails, I didn't just cut her nails. I cut a big chuck of skin off her thumb. I wondered why the clippers weren't cutting so easily and why I had to work extra hard to get the nail cut. She bled and cried for a good while. I felt so horrible. She was only a couple weeks old at the time. I remember feeling like I had horribly abused my new, perfect, tiny, helpless baby girl and felt like I should be locked up. Thank goodness Claire doesn't remember it and I'm sure Addie has forgiven you and is on the road to forgetting it.
You're a great mom! Don't ever think otherwise!
Oh, I am so sorry to hear about the sore fingers. If it makes you feel any better Liam burned his fingers in the stove on my watch a year ago. I totally understand how you feel. How are things going on the house? I hope you are all hanging in there without Sam ;)
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