With so much still to do and the ever looming report date drawing nearer every second, I find myself caught up in what isn't rather than what is. The moments are harder, and yet, somehow easier, for me to acknowledge. In a strange way I am extremely calm but there seems to be an ever flowing current of uncertainty that never really goes away. Uncertainty is becoming my friend and I am finding strength in the divine nature of things. It is a gradual process and one that I am sure I will continue to be enlightened by. Anyway ... I tried to get away with not decorating for Christmas; it didn't go my way. I have to admit I didn't really try that hard :)
I think Jake was more excited than Christmas morning, opening the boxes of decorations and seeing what fabulous thing he would find next. They all were all so exact and purposeful in their individual decorating methods. Zackary could be heard explaining with exactness his reasoning behind each placement and the story that goes behind each item; where it came from, when we got it, who made it, etc. Jacob ran around as fast as he could, jamming things wherever he could, in order to get back to the boxes and see what was next. Ellie hung some things but was most interested in the peppermint candy wall hanging she made last year in playgroup with me. She wanted to hear over and over where we made it and that she really did it and that yes, in deed, I did save it and it was being hung up. She was also very concerned with when we would get candy to fill the candy bowls and cookies for Grandma Fisher's cookie plate. She definitely has a sweet tooth :) Addie was miserably sick and didn't really care what we were doing just that she was not in bed and nobody was taking care of her. Eventually we clued in and she happily had a bottle with Daddy and went to bed.
As enjoyable as it was I caught myself thinking things needed to be in certain places, or, that perhaps rearranging some things would bring more order and balance and it would look better. As I tried to correct placement a couple of times I noticed it did not feel as good as it thought, so I quickly let go and watched in awe as my little elves found great purpose and importance in being allowed to create a Christmas wonderland all their own. It wasn't planned, wasn't the "perfect" time, the house wasn't tidy and "ready" for such an enormous undertaking, and I could think of many more things I needed to be doing. In that moment I realized that for all the time I spend trying to make things orderly and waiting for the perfect time I get lost moments and opportunities. All we needed was a little with boy with enough spirit to keep asking and a trip to the attic to make a magical moment. I seem to realize this a lot and hold onto it not as often. The twists and turns of our life lately are helping me hold on longer and longer, I am enjoying where that takes me, and life.
In the end I "fixed" only things that were a hazard, either for the house or for me. For example: a candle sitting directly under a vase with silk flowers, not such a good idea, and then there was the crystal candy bowl to be filled with chocolates that had Addie access written all over it, that got moved quickly! To those that would ask how that is a hazard to me, well let us just mention that Addie is determined, crystal makes a cool sound when you clank it really hard against other things, and chocolate can be difficult to clean up; enough said?
The house was ready and the timing was perfect and the enormity of it all was just a figment of my imagination.
How grateful I am for children that bring me to the moment, remind me of just how easy it is to be a part of it, and decorate in the most precious, and yet haphazard, ways. My favorite is the way they decorate the tree. There are always "families" of things, which in my previous life I would have called, "cluttered groups that need to be spaced out." Hmm, how telling ... I'll borrow a camera and post a picture when that glorious decorating party happens, we need a tree first. I can't wait for the smell of Christmas to wrap us all up, there is just nothing like a fresh pine tree for me.
Merry Christmas. May peace fill our souls and children mess up our lives so that we may find the order.
1 comment:
Thanks, that's a lesson I especially needed today.
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