Comfort

I realized as I walked in the hospital this morning that it's comfortable. I am sure that sounds strange. It was for me. The smell of the soap. The way the dry air makes my throat have that obnoxious dry tickle that I feel I have to explain to everyone so as to not be thought of as the extremely irresponsible lady that can't keep her germs out of the hospital. The familiar faces of nurses, doctors, waiting room staff, and valet parking attendants. The smiles from complete strangers that have more of an idea what you are going through than close friends and family. The sounds of pagers, phones, monitors, and medical jargon. The way Malachi looks around and I can see him remember all the sights, sounds, and smells. And then there is Dr. Aiken. Seeing him I take my first real deep breath. Our boy is in the best hands possible and that is divine intervention.

I beleive the Lord sends us comfort how we will best receive it. I find comfort all around me when I choose to see it. It's in that perfectly timed phone call from a friend. It's in the rain storm that made it so dark that Malachi was tricked into sleeping a bit longer and forgetting just how hungry he was and that nobody was doing anything about it. It's in the sunshine that peeked out just long enough for him to enjoy while we waited to be taken to the surgery holding area. It's in the smiling face of a surgeon that cares deeply for your son and his well being; and just so happens to be the best there is for this particular disease. It's in the many things that brought us here to this place so Malahci could get exactly what he needs. It's in the way the place that is best for Malachi is also the place that is best for our family, collectively and individually. It's in the way that every thing that any of us needs can be provided all at once. It's in the perfect people showing up in our life at the perfect time and doing all the perfect things; without needing to be asked because they already know (even if those people have to leave because the Lord needs them elsewhere now). It's in knowing that the greater good really is best, even when it means hard things. It's in feeling love, support, prayers, and thoughts, from so many people all over the world. But, most of all, I find comfort in living what I know.

When I choose to live what I know everything works for my good. I know lots of things but the funny thing is it doesn't do much good to know things. Nope, not at all. I must live what I know in order to reveive the benefits. And, when I live them there is ultimate comfort in all things.

As I watched them take my smiling baby back for things that I never imagined would happen in my life or one of my children's lives, I took great comfort as I lived what I know about Malachi. He is not mine. None of my children are. They are the Lord's children and He has placed them in my care for however long is best for their spiritual journey. That time frame is not for me to determine and in fact whatever it is, is perfectly what I need for my own spiritual journey. I know with all my soul that the Lord cares for us each individually. I am choosing to live what I know and see that cute smile and hold it in my heart forever. I will choose to remind him of that smile in the coming days of all that he will suffer. I will choose to sing to him and teach him all I can of God and heavenly things while I have the chance. I will give him the best I possibly can and fill him with as much good possible so that when the world seeps in he will be grounded in all things good. That is my role. I choose to seek comfort in all the things that are, and have been, placed before me. I choose to see, to know, to live; for whatever the journey may be.

Let me be wide awake with an open heart to hear all the Lord would have me hear from each situation He allows me to have. And let me be oh so grateful for all the situations I don't have to face.

Here is what I know right now:

Malachi is in surgery for at least 4 hours with Dr. Aiken. He may or may not come out with a colostomy bag. He has lost over 1 foot of colon to date (the sigmoid section) and we don't know how much more needs to be removed. He will have an open incision this time. His hospital stay will be at least 1 week long and all depends on many things that no one knows right now.