What do you do when ...

***  Warning, major venting and TMI ahead.  Needed a place to blurt into the vast unknown.  Prayer might have been better, but blogging was what I chose.   ***

Your husband is leaving in 3 days and there hasn't been a single phone call about, or showing of, your home for sale; that just so happens to be priced below what you need to cover your mortgage and commissions, not to mention the $15,000 you have put into it?  You have accepted the fact that you will be bringing your credit cards to the closing of your home (if that ever happens) and while your great credit gets you nice high limits and you have no current balances to worry about, you are concerned that it still might not be enough?  Your girls are such Daddy's girls that they have turned into extremely emotional clingy whiny creatures that you have no idea how to interact with anymore? You are convinced (mostly in the dark of night when hope is more difficult to grasp) that, your husband is going to die on the way to Milwaukee, or someone is going to be diagnosed with a terminal illness in the next couple of days and you'll be stuck in blasted LA forever, or, the best for last, you are going to drop dead of a stroke or heart attack and your family will live happily ever after in this beautiful well-taken care of home that nobody wants?  Your boys are testing every boundary, in every possible way, just to make sure everything will be okay; no matter what you do or say they are not convinced, because of course they can only give that to themselves?  You have no idea how to even be a mother to your children anymore because some alien has reprogramed us all into freakishly paranoid individuals.  Your mom lives too far away to come save you and your poor children from yourself?  Did I mention the fact that you torture yourself, almost on a minutely basis, by going over and over all the of the millions of people out there that have it worse off than you do, so why in the world do you think you have a right to feel anything but giddy about it all?  You feel all the walls closing in around you and yet somehow you still remember that there is hope but you just aren't sure if you can accept the hope if it doesn't come with a timeline you approve of?  ...  Have a self imposed pity party and see just what it is that you need to accept about yourself so that all of this becomes a great lesson learned and a hilarious story to tell.  Learn about yourself so that you can see what God already knows.

 

Anybody know of anyone in Milwaukee or the surrounding area that needs a caretaker for their home and wouldn't mind hosting a family of 6 to do the job.  We are never going to buy a house again.  I want an RV, that would be awesome!  I just want to get in the van and drive away from here.  

 

So I am ignoring the kids, wallowing in my own insomniatic (nice word!) self pity (been up since 3:00 a.m.) and what comes around the corner?  Addie with scrabble cheez-its in her mouth, poised just so I notice her and the handful of crackers, not to mention the one stuck in her mouth not chewed just propped there waiting.  She declares, "crackers?!", fully expecting me to take her back to the pantry, close up the cheez-its and tell her, "all done crackers" and finally get her breakfast, she's been up since 5:00 and it's 7:50.  She knows how to get what she wants that one.  

 

What you might want to know is that she had to scale 3 pantry shelves taking her to about 4 feet off the ground with footed pajamas on and get back down safely while holding a box of crackers in one hand.  How does she do it you ask?  I don't know, I have never seen it myself. She is what we call stealth baby around here.  Yesterday it was gummy bears, the day before that, it was chips, I could go on but I think you get the picture.  Oh, and don't suggest childproof locks and the like.  We've tried, the longest it takes her to figure one out is 15 minutes.  I suppose we could put a locking mechanism on the outside of the door up towards the top.  She frequently gets stools to unlock other things, it would only be a matter of time and who wants to patch and paint anything else in this house, not me.  I guess I ought to move everything back down to the lower shelves, there's just no stoppin' that girl.  Why did I think it would work to move everything higher than her?  

 

So what have I learned?  I don't know, ask me later.  Right now I am going to pick myself up, dust myself off, hope for a nap later, and go take care of my sick husband and son, play with the well ones, and fold the 7 loads of laundry that I left on my bed just begging someone to call for a showing.  I'll get to the bathrooms, floors, dusting, beds, picking up toys, dishes, and fingerprint hunting after the nap.  After all the show must go on and the agent only showing is tomorrow.  I am so tired.  I know I am in God's business.  I am not doing that well staying out of it lately. Does anyone have a crystal ball?  I probably don't really want one, but it sounds nice at the moment.